just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
