just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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