It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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