you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
