can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
