if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
