That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
