I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
