there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
