no, he came in my armpit
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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