he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
