Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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