Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
