we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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