i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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