my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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