I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am one with the molecules
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
