toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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