I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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