Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
