Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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