I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
