Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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