textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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