My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
