they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
