This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
