it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
