I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
