Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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