i need an iv and a liver transplant
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
