to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
