i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
