IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my being single is dangerous.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
