barbara walters just said penis...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
