why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
