No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
