If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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