He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
