Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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