I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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