My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
