yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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