I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
