Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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