I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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