just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I want her autograph on my taint
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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