Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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