She is in my trunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
