so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
