i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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