So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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