I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
