I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
