i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think we might need a safe word for this...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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