i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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