one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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