Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
