it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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