Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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