Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I FOUND THE LEGS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize