lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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