Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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