apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
