Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
