she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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